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Verizon Wireless announced a change today to their unlimited family plans by introducing three new tiers of unlimited service, effective June 18. (Spoiler alert: nothing is unlimited.)

In this new “limited unlimited” launch (coined: mix-and-match), family plan customers have the “choice” of picking from three not-really-unlimited plans which limit you in video streaming quality, hotspot data, overall data usage, and more. Even better, you can choose how limited your unlimited family plan is for each individual family member.

Mom can choose ‘sorta limited’ (aka ‘above unlimited’) for times when she wants to jet off to the Mexican Rivera and stream Netflix in HD. And then Mom can turn around and force a ‘you’re hella limited’ plan (aka ‘go unlimited’) for her son, who will end up getting his data throttled within hours because mom was too cheap to buy up to the ‘sorta limited’ plan.

But don’t worry, this really-fake-nice-dude-who-needs-some-media-training tells us all of this is actually a good thing. ‘Cus mix-and-match. ‘Cus choice. ‘Cus simplicity. What could be wrong with mixing-and-matching-and-choicing-and-simple-things?

Everything. Everything is wrong about this, Verizon EVP Ronan Dunne. It makes no sense. You can’t change the meaning of the word “unlimited,” Ronan. Only the Oxford dictionary people can do that.

But, since Dunne and his press release said this change is all about choice and simplicity, Verizon obviously thought well enough ahead to create an exceedingly simple-to-understand pricing matrix to underscore that theme…or so one would hope. I dare you to figure out what your monthly plan costs would be.

All snark aside, Verizon Wireless made a dumbfounded and head-scratching move by introducing these complicated plans. This is not unlimited data. This is fake unlimited. Ronan, stop deceiving consumers. It’s time that you and your company be honest and transparent with its customers. Consumers deserve better. And we need to demand better.

My suggestion would be to check out other carriers, especially if you’re willing to give up some data speeds and coverage in exchange for lower plan pricing and less pricing confusion.

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